Hyper Hogwartians
by Neemphadourah Tawncks
Summary: Two Hogwartians with mild ADHD get their own show on Hogwarts T.V.. What crazy trouble will ensue!!! * Eppie 3 Up*
1. The Madness is Given Air Time

Hyper Hogwartians  
  
Starring & Written By: Melony and Mandy  
  
Disclaimer: We are two girls with mild forms of ADHD, not JK Rowling, MMkaw?  
  
Guest Stars: Hermione, Snape, and Dumbledore!  
  
Episode One: The Madness is Given Air Time!  
  
*the cameras zoom in on Melony and Mandy*  
  
Melony: *is wearing jeans and a shirt that has a picture of Legolas and the words 'Queer as Folk' on it*  
  
Mandy: *is wearing pink, of course, and smiling hyperly*  
  
Melony: Hello, and welcome to the first episode of Hyper Hogwartians Mandy: *steps in* Starring ME and Melony!  
  
Melony: The oh pink one would be Mandy of Ravenclaw, and I'm Melony of Gryyfindor  
  
Mandy: PINK IS THE BEST COLOR OF ALL! BLACK IS ICKY!  
  
Melony: I would like to start off by thanking Dumbledore, who has been kind enough to give us the air space on Hogwart's station  
  
Mandy:YEAH! GO DUMBLEDORRY! IS YA BIRTHD- *sees Melony is mad* never mind ... And uh, thank you Professor McGonagall for producing it! *goes all hyper* WOOHOO!  
  
Melony: Okay, and don't forget, we are on every night at 9:00 after Doctor Snape's Solutions  
  
Mandy: *face squishes at mention of Snape* He's icky! HE NEVER WEARS PINK  
  
Melony: *Looks at Mandy blankly* okay, well our first ever guest is Hermione Granger, who has set a record for the highest ever OWLs and NEWTs, originally set by Dumbledore himself!  
  
Melony: *waits for Mandy to take her cue for announcing Hermes*  
  
Mandy: oh, meh, here's hermione grunger  
  
Melony: GRANGER!  
  
Mandy: PINK  
  
Melony: BLUE!  
  
Mandy: *pokes Melony* PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK ROCKS AND RULES THE WORRRRRRLLLLLDDDDD!!!!  
  
Melony: WELL, AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON TERRY BOOT! *gasps dramatically and claps her hands to her mouth*  
  
Mandy: *glares, blushes, and turns to look at camera* I believe we were introducing HERMIONE GRUNGER  
  
Melony: Oh god, I'm SO sorry!  
  
Mandy: *throws pink pillow at Melony's face and watches it hit*  
  
Melony: *forgets being sorry, giggles as the pillow hits her face, and throws a blue one*  
  
Mandy: PILLOW FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! *throws three at a time, realises she ran out, and resorts to throwing the blue one back*  
  
Melony: *throws all of her pillows back*  
  
Hermione: Should I come out now? *walks onto stage and gets hit by oncoming pillow* AAAHHHHH! *tries to get it unstuck from hair*  
  
Melony: Oh boy...  
  
Hermione: MELONY!  
  
Melony: Eep...  
  
Melony: *hehehe* Please, sit down *smiles nervously*  
  
Hermione: *storms over to Melony* GET HER MYRTLE! *Myrtle's ghost comes out*  
  
Myrtle: Huh...?  
  
Melony: AAHH! *runs around studio frantically, running into camera B*  
  
Myrtle: *flies over to Melony* YOU DIIIIIEEE! *tries to hurt but realizes she can't hold on to anything and flies back to her bathroom, crying*  
  
Melony: *gets up and dusts herself off, sitting down in her chair*  
  
Mandy: So....back to the subject..PIIIIIIIINK  
  
Melony: *stares* Anyway, so Hermione, is it true you're dating a certain scarred boaster?  
  
Mandy: PINK  
  
Melony: WOULD YOU SHUT UP ABOUT PINK!  
  
Mandy: *sings under breath* pi-nk, pi-nk, pi-nk, pi-nk  
  
Melony: Oi, Peeves!  
  
Mandy: *looks up nervously*  
  
Melony: What, Minera? Oh, fine, Peeves, stay where you are!  
  
Hermione: *stares at Mandy oddly* *then stares back to Melony* NO! Why would I like him when there's Ro- I mean, never mind.  
  
Melony: RON? You're dating...RON?  
  
Hermione: NO! Uh..um...Rock Cakes...?  
  
Melony:*falls on the floor in hysterics*  
  
Snape: *stamps out furiously* WHAT? YOU LITTLE WENCH LIAR! WHAT ABOUT US! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL! Hermione, I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!  
  
Hermione: Oh, but Sevvie!  
  
Snape: DON'T SEVVIE ME, HERMIEKINS!  
  
Uh, our second guest, Severus...  
  
Hermione: PLEASE FORGIVE ME!! PLEEEEAAASSEEE! He means nothing!  
  
Mandy: *Sneaks up behind Snape and places pink wreath of flowers on his head*  
  
Snape: WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST LYING ABOUT US, BUT YOU'RE ACTUALLY- *notices the wreath. Turns around, and starts chasing Mandy around the studio*  
  
Mandy: *RUNS* AAAAAHHHHH! I THOUGHT YOU LIKED PINK! IT'S ALL THE RAGE IN...UH..WHERE THE GREASY HAIRED PEOPLE LIVE?  
  
Melony: Minerva, how much time do we have left? Alot? Okay.  
  
Snape: MY HAIR IS NOT GREASY! IT JUST HAS AN ABNORMAL SHINE!  
  
Hermione: Oh...SEEEVVVIIIIEEEE! *runs after Snape*  
  
Mandy: *runs more* *coughLIARcough*  
  
Snape: *stops, turns around, and picks up Hermione like a groom picks up a bride, and skips out of the studio, but not before saying* 300 POINTS FROM RAVENCLAW!  
  
Mandy: 300 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN! *pulls Mandy costume off and reveals Dumbledore*  
  
Melony: Please say that Dumbledore is really Mandy in a costume!  
  
Dumbledore: I'll..just..be..leaving now.... You might want to open the broomcloset for Mandy... *shifty eyes* *runs from Azkaban dementors who are chasing him*  
  
Melony: *opens broomcloset, where Mandy is, suffocating on broom wax*  
  
Mandy: HELP MEEEEEEE! DUMBLEDORE IS EEEEVIL I TELL YOU, EEVIL!  
  
Melony: It's okay Mandy...it's okay...  
  
Mandy: EEEEEEEVVVVVVIIII- *chokes on broom wax*  
  
Melony: *helps Mandy to her chair*  
  
Mandy: *faints* p--i--n--k  
  
Melony: *rolls eyes* What Minerva? We're outta time? Okay, well, Today was fun! I'm Melony, and the pink tub of pink is Mandy, and we'll see you next time! 


	2. The Madness is on a Broomstick

Hyper Hogwartians  
  
Starring & Written By: Melony and Mandy  
  
Disclaimer: We are two girls with mild forms of ADHD, not JK Rowling, MMkaw?  
  
Guest Stars: Ron, Dumbledore, and a mystery guest!  
  
Episode Two: The Madness is on Broomsticks  
  
*cameras zoom in on Melony and Mandy*  
  
Mandy: *is wearing pink, obviously* Welcome to our second episode of Hyper Hogwartians! *coughpinkcough*  
  
Melony: *is wearing a dress made of fake strips of newspaper* This is Melony, and that's Mandy!  
  
Mandy: *waves frantically*  
  
Melony: Now, today is very special, because we're inverviewing Dumbledore from Azkaban  
  
Mandy: *interupts* I'LL be flying on my broom to interview him!  
  
Melony: In addition to teenage reporter-WHAT! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BROOM  
  
Mandy: So? I'll learn.  
  
Melony: YOU FALL OFF LIKE IT'S OILED!  
  
Mandy: You wish!  
  
Melony: NO IT'S TRUE! Here's foot-Oh, wait, that one time it was Oiled...  
  
Mandy: *grabs wand* ACCIO MELONY'S BROOM! *gets on broomm and flies over studio audience* Wait...that was YOU?  
  
Melony: hehehe, long story *cough*  
  
Mandy: *flies over to Mel* GGGRRRRR!!! *picks her up and throws her onto couch*  
  
Melony: OW!  
  
Mandy: PIIIIIIIIIIIINK  
  
Melony:*goes to broom closet and grabs a broom, and flies after Mandy, basketball in hand*  
  
Mandy: *flies away*  
  
Melony: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Voldemort: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
Ron: *walks out onto set* Uhh, can we just get the interview done already?  
  
Voldemort: YOU! Red hair boy! COME HERE  
  
Ron: AH WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU WANT!  
  
Voldemort: ACCIO RED HAIR BOY!  
  
Ron: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!  
  
Melony: MINERVA, HOW'D HE GET ON SET!  
  
Mandy: *flies to VoldeDORK and bops him on the head with tip of broom*  
  
Minerva: I let him in...*pulls cloak over nightdress*  
  
*Voldemort disappears*  
  
Mandy: muahahahaha  
  
Melony: That...was all you needed to do to destory Voldemort???  
  
Mandy: Who are you, red hair boy? Your hair should be PINK! *swishes wand and turns his hair pink*  
  
Ron: AAAAAHHH! NOT YOU OBBSESIVE FANGIRL!  
  
Mandy: MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Whassamatter, ickle red hair boy? *chases Ron turning all of his clothes PINK*  
  
Melony: WOULD EVERYONE SHUT UP SO WE CAN DO OUR SHOW!  
  
Mandy: NEVA!  
  
Melony: *bangs Mandy on the head with her wand, causing her to go temporarily mute* Okay!  
  
Mandy: *Tackles Melony*  
  
Melony: WE HAVE A SHOW TO FINISH, MANDY! LET'S JUST SIT DOWN AND BE HYPER FROM THERE! *sits down*  
  
Mandy: *motions for her to take the silence charm off*  
  
*Ron sits down*  
  
Mandy: *doesn't sit down*  
  
Melony: Sit Down First!  
  
Mandy: *shakes head and points to Ron who's sitting in her seat. pushes Ron out and sits*  
  
Ron: Why didn't you just sit on me? You do love me that much!  
  
Melony: *removes mute charm*  
  
Mandy: *fwaps Ron on head*  
  
Melony: Okay, bring out the TV so we can interview the now insane Albus  
  
Mandy: Anywho, the interview! HEY! That Rhymes! *sings* anywho, interview. ACCIO TELEVISION!  
  
*tele appears with Albus on screen*  
  
*waves frantically* HI DUMBLEDORRY! HAHAHAHAHA! YOU'RE IN JAIL  
  
Dumbledore: I will not be kept in here like some kidnapping criminal. Oh wait, I am.  
  
Melony: So, what caused you to snap? Was it the toe socks?  
  
Albus: Who cares?!?! *fwaps dementor and gets out wand* *comes to set*  
  
Albus: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
Ron: Well, why did you go out with Ginny, then?  
  
Albus: She can be...convincing... *winks*  
  
Melony: AWWW! GROSS!  
  
Ron: I know  
  
Mandy: YOU KIDNAPPED MEEEEEE!! *gets out of seat and brings out wand* DUUUUEEEEL TIME!  
  
Melony: MANDY SIT!  
  
Mandy: NOOOOOO  
  
Albus: I COMMAND YOU TO SIT  
  
Mandy: NOOOOO  
  
Melony: *pulls out wand threateningly*  
  
Mandy: *gives Melony the Jelly Legs Curse*  
  
Melony: Sit or you'll be a mute until- *curse gives effect*  
  
Ron: *does counter-curse*  
  
Melony: You're- - - my hero!  
  
Albus: AVADA KEDAVRA! *misses Mandy and hits Melony's owl*  
  
Melony: NO! NOT FAWKINS!  
  
Mandy: EEEEVIL DUMBLEDORE! DIIIIIEEEEEEE! *leaps onto Dumbledore, but she only hits a TV* OOOOOWWWWWWW  
  
Albus: AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!! *points curse and Melony but hits a mirror* NOOOOOOO! *dies*  
  
Melony: Uh-oh...  
  
Mandy: *gets head unstuck from tv* I DIDN'T DO IT!  
  
Melony: Well, we're outta time anyway, so, this is Melony.  
  
Mandy: AND MAAAAAAAANNDDDYYYY  
  
Ron: WHAT ABOUT MY INTERVIEW!  
  
Mandy: PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! Talk about ego. Who cares about you?  
  
Melony: I tell you what, I'll go out on a date with you, and then you won't need the interview!  
  
Mandy: EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW  
  
Ron: *ignores Mandy* OH-KAY!  
  
Melony: and that's our show!  
  
Mandy: *spazzes out* EEEWWWWW 


	3. The Madness is Still on Primetime

Hyper Hogwartians  
  
Starring & Written By: Melony and Mandy  
  
Disclaimer: We are two girls with mild forms of ADHD, not JK Rowling, MMkaw?  
  
Guest Stars: Ginny, Draco, and You-Know-Who  
  
Episode Three: The Madness is Still on Primetime  
  
*cameras zoom in on Melony and Mandy*  
  
Mandy: *is wearing pink patchwork pants and pale pink t-shirt*  
  
Melony: *is wearing a t-shirt with Ron on it and jeans* Today is a great day! I'm dating Ronnie-kins!  
  
Mandy: And I'm dating Terr- nevermind.  
  
Melony: *snickers*  
  
Mandy: *glares* Why don't we bring out our first guest: Draco Malfoy?  
  
Melony: He's of the ultimately eeeevil house SLYTHERIN!So, come out Draccie!  
  
Mandy: YEAH! They don't wear pink so they're evil!  
  
Draco: IT IS DRACO, AND PINK IS THE COLOR OF THE DEVIL!  
  
Mandy: No, that would be black my friend, black. *drools at Draco's leather pants*  
  
Melony: Riiiite...Mandy, would you like to ask first?  
  
Draco: *sits down and glares at Mandy, and falls in love with her*  
  
Mandy: *Comes back to reality* Oh, what? Yes... First Question: Are you currently seeing anyone?  
  
Draco: Well, I *was* dating Ginny... and then Pansy... and then Millicent... but now I'm VERY single  
  
Mandy: *scoots chair closer* Interesting... Second Question: Do you like pink obsessed Ravenclaws?  
  
Draco: Depends, what are your parents.  
  
*this destroys the romantic mood, despite how he said it*  
  
Melony: My turn to ask a question!  
  
Mandy: *scoots chair away* Anyway, time for Melony to ask some questions. Like she said  
  
Melony: Now, Draco, What hair moose do you use? Many of us sexy ladies want to know!  
  
Mandy: *becoms disgusted with Draco* *Hums song softly*  
  
Draco: *Keeps looking at Mandy longingly* Aquanett-version Pink for extra sensitive folicles.  
  
Mandy: *becomes un disgusted with Draco* I have another question! What are your turn-ons and turn-offs?  
  
Draco: Turn Ons, cats, dunno why, and Dobby, turn offs, happiness and joy.  
  
*again, ruins everything*  
  
Mandy: *scoots away*  
  
Melony: Now, alot of people think you're damn sexy, and our next guest is one of them! Then again, so was Millicent in her eyes, so welcome, GINNY WEASLEY!  
  
Mandy: *suddenly becoms interested in a fly that lands on the arm of chair.* AVADA KEDAVRA! DDDIIIIIEEE  
  
Melony: MANDY! THAT'S MINERVA!  
  
Ginny Weasley: *walks onto set* Here I am! Come get me, boys!  
  
Mandy: Oooops...  
  
Melony: Don't worry, you missed...  
  
Mandy: What did I kill?  
  
Melony: A piece of tile, see?  
  
Ginny: Uh, like, excuse eh moi? Are you *trying* to be rude?  
  
Melony: Oh, sorry  
  
Ginny: You should be.  
  
Melony: Please, sit down  
  
Ginny: Fine. *sees Draco* Hey, baby! I've missed you! *sits on his lap* And you leather pants. *snuggles up to Draco*  
  
Draco: Oh, boy, uhh, Hello!  
  
Mandy: *ignores everyone because she is the only one wearing pink, therefor making everyone else evil*  
  
Melony: So, Ginny, what's it like to be the very first student to have dated EVERYONE in Slytherin and Hufflepuff?  
  
Ginny: You forgot to mention all of the male staff.  
  
Melony: Oh yea, and every male in the school... including the teachers... and Trelawney... So, what's that like?  
  
Ginny: *looks proud* All I have left is Neville. It's pretty much tiring, going to different rooms everynight for a bed. *winks*  
  
Melony: Right...so, uh, sorry, sheer curiosity is killing me...Trelawney?  
  
Ginny: You *do* know she's not really female. Wait, ooops, DON'T TELL HER I TOLD YOU!  
  
Melony: Oh, no wonder she's been hitting on me when I read palms  
  
Trewlawney: GINNY! Don't I mean *anything* to you? *runs out crying*  
  
Ginny: *rolls eyes* Anyway, back to MOI!  
  
Draco: Well, I really have to go, I have something to do, Ginny, coming along?  
  
Ginny: Duh *tries to look shexshay. Draco carries Ginny out of the studio. Ginny whispers in Draco's ear. Draco smirks. Ginny giggles*  
  
Mandy: *wakes up from nap* OH, NO! I had the most horrible dream! I dreamt we were on the most painfully boring TV show. Oh, wait. It was real. Never mind.  
  
Melony: Well, Ron, sorry you had to learn about your sister being the town trike like that. Or is it tramp? No, Trike. Uhh, any more guests? *Thwaps Mandy*  
  
Mandy: We have another guest.  
  
Melony: Who could it beh?  
  
Voldemort: MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I've got to kill you- I mean be a guest on your show. *winks*  
  
Melony: Hello, Voldemort. So, I'm guessing that the last person on our show that was Voldekins was an actor?  
  
Voldemort: I don't know. *gets out wand* AVADRA KEDAVRA  
  
Voldemort: Ooops...said it wrong. *cough* AVADA KARDAVA! DAMNIT! AVADA KERDAVMRA! Oh, I quit. *kills himself*  
  
Mandy: *sweat drop* I, um, believe that's all the time we have. *shifty eyes*  
  
Melony: WHAT ARE WE, DEATH ROW!  
  
Mandy: PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK  
  
Melony: WE'VE CAUSED MORE DEATHS THAN A MASSACRE AT CHINA!  
  
Mandy: pi-nk pi-nk pi-nk pi-nk  
  
Melony: *gets a Xanax and takes it* I have anxiety attacks, so I can take these... Okay, well, I'm Brain, and that's Pinky, and this is our show!  
  
Mandy: PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK 


	4. The Madness Does a Game Show

*Melony is wearing a blue polyester suit, a white tie, and a black undershirt, while Mandy is wearing black outfit. She glares at the camera*  
  
Mandy: I lost a bet for once, okay?  
  
Melony: Welcome to the Game Show Special on Hyper Hogwartians! Mandy, would you like to describe the details of the game?  
  
Mandy: DIE, FAT FROG, DIE!  
  
*Melony points to Umbridge, who is tied and gagged to a stake*  
  
Mandy: We have our "special" guest, Umbridge, who our contestants will curse and attempt to kill for galleons. 5 for correct curses, 50 if you kill her for us. *Mandy winks*  
  
Melony: Okay, let's introduce our contestants! First, we have Ron Weasley, who is here in hopes to win lots of money for his huge poor family, and show off his stunning manly looks. *Ron struts out, doing loads of muscle showing manly poses*  
  
Ron: Yo.  
  
Melony: We also had Lee Jordan, who wants to get back at a certain fat frog who ruined his announcing hand!  
  
*Lee Jordan walks out, pointing his wand at Fat Frog and pretending to be a centaur, scaring Umbridge greatly*  
  
Lee: DIE, TOAD!  
  
Melony: And lastly, we have Dumbledore, who is on a sort of Parole from Azkaban, and wants to continue his insanity  
  
Mandy: I'm watching you.. ::gets a o_O look::  
  
*Dumbledore bounces around to cameraman Draco, and pretends to be a ferret. Malfoy screams like a little girl and runs away. Mandy runs after Draco*  
  
Mandy: Come back, Drakie!  
  
Melony: Okay, contestants, go over to your spots!  
  
*Draco runs back to run the camera*  
  
*Mandy falls down and get back up*  
  
Mandy: DRAKIE!  
  
*Mandy trips*  
  
Mandy: I'm okay  
  
*Mandy gets back up*  
  
Mandy: What did I miss?  
  
*Mandy falls over*  
  
Melony: Okay, now. we are going to show you an object, and you have to guess the price. Whoever is closest gets five tries at curses, second closest gets two, and the farthest get one. There will be ten items. Mandy, show us item number one!  
  
Mandy: W00t! Our first lovely item is..a brand new THUNDERMIGHT 800 BROOM! Guess your prices, people!  
  
Ron: 300 Galleons  
  
Lee: ONE GALLEON!!  
  
Dumbledore: Three Mandy suits  
  
*Mandy hisses at Dumbledore*  
  
Melony:...Okay, well, the price is...27 Galleons, so, Lee has five, Ron the Hottie has two, and Dumbledore has none, since technically, a disguise suit isn't worth money, since it's a charm  
  
Melony: Mandy, introduce item number two!  
  
*Mandy hisses again at Albus*  
  
Mandy: Our next item is Deadly Dragon Deoderant!  
  
Ron: Since I smell as sexy as I am, I know that it's worth one galleon and 2 sickles!  
  
Lee: ONE GALLEON!  
  
Dumbledore: 13 bottles of Snape's Bacon/Hair grease  
  
Melony: Well, the price is...one galleon and two sickles.  
  
Ron: Knew it! Cause you know I have as sexy a mind as I do body  
  
Melony: So, that's 7 for Lee, 7 for Ron, and NOTHING for Dumbledore  
  
Melony: Mandy, show us our last item! We would usually do ten, but we only have time for three; we need loads of time to kill Umbridge.  
  
Mandy: Our last item is..me!  
  
*Mandy lays on a red couch*  
  
Ron: My heart and soul  
  
Lee: ONE GALLEON!  
  
Dumbledore: Two Galleons  
  
Mandy: RON WINS!  
  
Melony: Ron is correct!  
  
Mandy: *runs over to Ron*  
  
Melony: So, we have 12 for Ron, 9 for Lee, and one for Dumbledore  
  
Mandy: Now for commercial break!  
  
*Melony pretends to vomit as Mandy and Ron cuddle. camera is "off". Melony sniggers as she pretends to go to commercial. Mandy changes position to sit on Ron's lap*  
  
Draco: MANDIEKINS!  
  
Melony: CACKLE CACKLE!  
  
Ron: YOURE-DATING-THE-BOUNCING-FERRET-KING?  
  
*Ron laughs obnoxiously*  
  
Mandy: errr - no...  
  
Draco: YOU..YOU..WITCH! ::stomps off::  
  
Ron: Well, I'm sexy, and he's a stick, so I'm better  
  
*Ron flexes, and mistakes Melony's howls of laughter for swooning. Mandy snorts at Draco, and snuggles up to Ron*  
  
Melony: HAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE THIS WHOLE THING ON FILM! HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Mandy: So?  
  
*Melony gets shocked at the fact that she isn't angry*  
  
Mandy: So haha, your joke SUCKED!  
  
Melony: Well, we need to show our sponsors anywho, so we'll be right back!  
  
Mandy behind the scenes: woo! I love the dancing dragons! *camera is turned off...for real*  
  
Ron: Hello, I'm HOT, and SEXY, and MA-A-A-A-AN-N-N-N-NLY! So, I'm here to sell my secret to sexiness; MY NOSE POL-L-LI-SH-SH-SH-SH!  
  
*Commercial Ron pulls out a bottle that's kind of greenish*  
  
Ron: Weasley's Nose Polish is so simple, even a muggle could do it! All you do is take a glob, rub it on your nose, and take a cloth and POL-L-LI-I- I-SH!  
  
*Ron polishes his nose*  
  
Ron: And not only that, it's only worth 759 galleons! SO, GO OUT TO YOUR LOCAL STORE, AND BUY MY POLISH!  
  
*Ron runs around singing*  
  
*ends really bad commercial, and starts another commercial*  
  
Mandy: Mandy's CLOTHING!  
  
*Melony runs around in the back with a sign that says the prices and flashes PINK ROCKS! She runs, and runs, and runs, until she trips on a wire hanger*  
  
*end of commercial break*  
  
Melony: Welcome to the good part of the show!  
  
*Mandy and Ron are shown cuddling. The camera zooms in.*  
  
Melony: No, not THAT, the part where we attempt to murder Umbridge!  
  
*Mandy is still snuggling with Ron*  
  
Melony: Now, Ron gets to go first, with his 12 curse attempts  
  
Ron: I hafta go kill Umbridge now. So get off me.  
  
*Mandy doesn't budge. Ron pushes Mandy off.*  
  
Melony: For every successful curse, he gets 5 galleons. And if he murders or turns her into a permaneant centaur, we will give him 50 galleons! Just kidding; she has to be killed.  
  
*Mandy slaps Ron.*  
  
Mandy: COME BACK TO ME DRAKIE!  
  
*Mandy runs off to Draco*  
  
Melony: So, Ron, get started! NO UNFORGIVEABLE CURSES!  
  
*Ron thinks shallowly, cause he's a shallow man*  
  
*Draco runs from Mandy, so camera suddenly twirls around, not getting what's happening*  
  
Ron: Transparramous!  
  
*Umbridge goes invisible, but shrieks with pain*  
  
Melony: Ah, the ever painful invisiblility curse!  
  
Ron: Wingardium Leviosa!  
  
*Umbridge is no longer invisible, but is flying around, the stake still tied to her, thus hurting her badly*  
  
*Mandy looks at Umbridge*  
  
Mandy: A FROG BALOON! SOMEONE POP IT  
  
Melony: DRACO! FOCUS THE CAMERA! YOU'RE MISSING SOME BLOODY BRILLIANT FOOTAGE!  
  
*Mandy starts a chant*  
  
Mandy: Pop...IT! Pop...IT! Pop...IT!  
  
Ron: *tries to think* POPPY TOPPY!  
  
*Umbridge explodes, frog parts flying everywhere*  
  
Melony: CONGRATULATION RON! YOU KILLED UMBRIDGE! HERE'S 60 GALLEONS! In America, that's nearly 600 dollars!  
  
Mandy: MY HERO!  
  
*Mandy runs to Ron through frog guts to get to him*  
  
Melony: So, that's the end of our Special Game Show episode! I'm Melony...  
  
Mandy: And I'm MANDY! wheee  
  
*Camera is still zooming around, now attacking people*  
  
Melony: And we killed Umbridge! Us Busterds! 


	5. The Madness Mocks Soaps

Melony: Welcome to a special episode of Hyper Hogwartians! We're going to be mocking the greatest art ever...soap operas! So, we'll be going to our places shortly.  
  
Mandy: *sob* whhyyy?? er - wait, have we started yet? Nevermind  
  
Melony: But first, we just want to let everybody know, that this is all gonna be fake; I'm not really dating, and Mandy's not related to her boyfriend. SO, we're going to start in...3...2...1...PLACES!  
  
*Melony runs to the front of the stage, while Mandy runs to the corner. Melony is setting up a dinner table*  
  
Melony: Tonight is the night...the night I'll propose...  
  
*Mandy forgets to turn her mic off*  
  
Mandy: Why do I have to be the preg - OH! OOPSIES!  
  
Melony: Meh...  
  
*Lupin knocks on the door and rings the doorbell*  
  
Melony: Come in Moonie-kins!  
  
*Lupin comes in stage right*  
  
Lupin: Hello, my darling!  
  
*Lupin runs over to Mel and places her with a big, fake, sloppy kiss while hugging her tightly*  
  
Melony: Oh Lupin, take me-oh wait, that's not until later  
  
*Melony coughs*  
  
Melony: It is so great to see you back from your work at the ministry!  
  
*Lupin sighs exageratedly*  
  
Lupin: I have missed you so in the 5 hours you have been away, my dear!  
  
Melony: Would you like to sit down for some dinner? I made...  
  
*Melony sighs exageratedly*  
  
Melony: Nachos  
  
*Lupin laughs*  
  
Lupin: Oh, but your nachos are the core of my life. Seriously, they're all you've fed me for the past few years. But I love them anyway.  
  
*Lupin delivers another long, yicky kiss*  
  
Melony: Well, today I added something special; ultra flavored guac, instead of just normal guac!  
  
*The audience sighs at the romantic moment*  
  
*Lupin backs away*  
  
Lupin: I'm allergic to ultra flavored..things...How could you?  
  
*Lupin runs away and out the door into the full moon, turning to a werewolf*  
  
Melony: NOOOOO! HOW COULD I HAVE! MOONIE-KINS! MY BABY, COME BACK! I MADE WEAKER GUAC!  
  
*lights dim to a crying Melony*  
  
*transistion to Mandy's plot*  
  
*Mandy is busy decorating room with pink things*  
  
Draco: HONEY! I'M HOOME!  
  
*Draco plots a big, long, squishy kiss*  
  
*suddenly music comes on*  
  
Mandy: Let's dance, my sweet.  
  
*hear the rythym dancer it's a big romancer and other dance music continues to play as Draco and Mandy dance*  
  
Mandy: So how was your day? Did you visit your father in prison?  
  
*Mandy speaks as she dances*  
  
Draco: I...have some bad news...  
  
*Mandy stops dancing*  
  
Mandy: Oh, but what could it be? Our lives are wonderful, and so is Draco Jr.  
  
*Mandy pats overly large "pregnant" stomach*  
  
Draco: See, my father, he gets out in a week's time, and he's out for my skin, cause it is his fault that he's there  
  
*Mandy slaps Draco*  
  
Mandy: Ooops, wait, that doesn't come till later. MY BAD  
  
Draco: And I'm afraid that I won't get to see Draco Jun-  
  
*Mandy looks away*  
  
Mandy: OW!  
  
*Mandy falls over*  
  
Mandy: OOOWWW! Draco!  
  
Draco: What what what's the mat mat matter?  
  
Mandy: You idiot, my stomach!  
  
Draco: Oh...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
Draco: OH! I'LL CALL THE HOSPITAL!  
  
Mandy: YOU IDIOT!  
  
*Mandy apparates there*  
  
*Draco runs off to get help*  
  
*then Draco runs back so he can apparate*  
  
*scene flashes to Mandy being carried to a labor room at the DUHNUHNUH HOSPITAL!*  
  
Draco: Is she and Draco Jr gonna be alright doctor?  
  
Mandy: DRACO, YOU GIT, YOU DID THIIIIIIISS!  
  
Doctor: Draco..Jr?  
  
*Mandy throws stuffed animal at Draco's head*  
  
Doctor: She'll be fine  
  
*Doctor looks at Mandy, who is spitting and screaming and thowing crap*  
  
Doctor: A little bit witchy, but okay.  
  
Draco: And Draco Jr?  
  
Doctor: Not Draco Jr, Mandy Jr!  
  
Mandy: If you weren't my doctor I'd throw this at you!  
  
*Mandy picks up another stuffed animal*  
  
Mandy: Oh what the heck.  
  
*Mandy throws it at Doctor's head; Doctor ducks*  
  
Doctor: I'll go get the morphine, shall I?  
  
Mandy: RAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRR!  
  
*scene transition to Melony who is trying to pull in Lupin via a dog collar*  
  
*Lupin barks and barks at Melony*  
  
Melony: Get-in-here-you-naugh-ty-boy-you!  
  
*Lupin growls*  
  
*Melony gives one FINAL tug, and Lupin and Melony fly through the air until they're inside, and Lupin demorphs*  
  
*Lupin makes a -__- face*  
  
Melony: You never told me you were allergic!  
  
Lupin: YOU NEVER ASKED, WOMAN!  
  
Melony: I'M SORRY!  
  
*They walk up to their apartment. Lupin kisses Melony*  
  
Lupin: It's ok.. I'll go through anything for you. Even have an allergic attack  
  
Melony: Oh, no need to go that far ^^.  
  
Lupin: Oh, but I shall. You made it, I ate it..er - or will eat it.  
  
Melony: Good Thing I made some extra guacamole!  
  
*Melony pulls out a bowl of not so flavored guac*  
  
*both eat until all is gone*  
  
Melony: Okay, now it's time for my correct line, Lupin, take me now!  
  
Lupin: err  
  
*transition to Mandy and Draco. Mandy is still hurling random objects at Draco's head*  
  
Draco: Woah baby, you know, this is YOUR fault, not MINE!  
  
Mandy: LIAR!  
  
Draco: Well, all you would have had to do was not come on to me!  
  
Mandy: LIIIIAAAAARRRRRRRR!  
  
(Mandy and Melony: TO BE CONTINUUUUUUEEEEEDDDD!) 


End file.
